Fortitude
by Brooding Quaker
Summary: Right after the battle at The Gallows is over. Hawke gives Fenris the chance to choose his future.


**Fortitude**

_"Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant." Persuasion._

Hawke had asked Anders to help them in the final battle. All had wounds that could be healed through potions and some magic. Even though Hawke was bleeding from many wounds, she asked to be healed last until Anders was sure the rest were restored.

When he had finally emptied all his mana healing her, she was able to walk by herself to the boat.

"Thank you Anders"

It was the first time Fenris had called him by his name. The first and the last one.

"It is my duty Fenris and the least I can do"

Fenris sat next to Hawke while Anders and Varric rowed back to The Docks.

"If you didn't have your spiky armor on I'd be trying to rest my head here" she said pointing at his shoulder.

"You hit your head pretty hard my love" he answered taking off the spiky part of his armor to pull her to his side so her forehead would rest in his neck. His gauntleted hand covering the one where she wore the engagement ring he had given her only a few days ago. His cheek against that spot where her hair wasn't covered in blood.

* * *

It was the end of this battle but just the beginning of war. The consequences were finally sinking in Anders. When they docked his eyes were no longer focused in the present. He wasn't able to jump off the boat so Varric stayed to reason with him.

Fenris and Hawke had to run to the other ship where Isabella would be waiting to sail anywhere but Tevinter.

Aveline came to them carrying a somewhat big chest.

"This is all I could carry from your home" she said letting it fall in front of them. Hawke was already looking around in search of more enemies.

"Where is Donnic?" Hawke asked.

"He is with a patrol guarding Hightown or whatever is left of it"

Their confused expression asked her for more explanations.

"Some people are taking this chaos as an opportunity to raid some of the mansions, yours included"

"But he is safe, right? He is alive"

"Yes Hawke, he is fine"

"Are you coming or not?" Isabella shouted from her ship.

"I can't believe I am leaving. I thought I'd finally stay here for good"

"I wish you could stay too but there is just so much the guard can do against templars and seekers of the chantry"

"I am sorry, I caused this mess"

"You didn't" Aveline said looking at Anders that was still catatonic in the boat. "He knows he'll have to pay for what he did, if you chose to forgive him then it is not in my hands to ask for retribution. But like I said, the guard can't fight against the Chantry, he is not safe here"

Fenris interrupted whatever Hawke was about to say taking the chest "We appreciate your efforts Aveline, we'll burden you no longer" and took Hawke's hand leading her to Isabella's ship.

Varric caught them when they were already sailing.

"Don't worry about your state" he shouted from the dock.

"Keep it" Hawke yelled back smiling waving goodbye.

But the smile didn't last long. As soon as she turned, her whole demeanor changed, she looked tormented.

Merrill took Hawke's hand oblivious to the change and led them down to their room.

"I'm so glad you're safe and together" Merrill spoke softly. "For a moment I thought Fenris would leave because of what Anders did and you let him live. Then you asked him to help you against the templars" she spoke so quietly and so fast but every single word sounded loud and echoed in her mind "I was just so scared he would abandon you like he did the other times you chose to help us"

Even though Merrill's voice was low, he distinguished every single thing she had whispered. When they got to their room, Fenris could take it no more and practically pushed Merrill out shutting the door in her nose.

"She is right, you know"

"No"

"What do you mean 'no'?" said Hawke imitating his voice "Fenris, if this is not what you expected or what you want, you are free to go"

His expression gave nothing away "take off you armor" he ordered her.

"I can't ask anything else from you"

"You need a bath" his tone as cold as his eyes.

"You have already given me so much" He turned her so she wouldn't see his face.

"Your hair is a mess" he started to undo her buckles.

"I made you fight for things you did not believe"

"We need to clean your armor"

"I let Anders live and you didn't want me to" it was fairly easy to rid her of her armor with most of the buckles damaged and some bits falling apart on their own.

"We'll need to repair almost all of it"

"I ignored you and you stayed"

"You have blood all over your clothes" he started to undress her in the same way you undress a mannequin, a talking mannequin.

"You don't have to stay"

"I can't ask you to stay" she just kept rambling

"You should go" and rambling

"You should tell Isabella where you'd like her to leave you" and rambling; while he efficiently took off her blood damped clothes.

"Are you listening?"

"No" he said impassibly.

"Fenris I am serious"

He took a step back to admire her. No armor. No clothes. Her body with some trails of blood, pink recent scars and others white almost pearly.

"It is not safe to be around me Fenris"

"I know"

"I promised I would keep you safe"

"So did I"

"You don't understand" she protested grabbing her bloody tunic to cover herself "I will be hunted; these people are going to chase me everywhere"

"So?"

"You don't deserve that"

"Neither do you"

"Of course I do!"

"It is the abomination's responsibility" he yanked off the tunic from her "how can you blame yourself for this?"

"I should have stopped him! I didn't! I am responsible!"

"You had nothing to do with it!" he was losing his control.

"They don't know that! I just can't put you through this again"

"Put me through what exactly?" she reached for the sheet on the mattress to wrap it around her

"I fought for your freedom to what end?"

"Don't say that" he was feeling the lyrium pulsing.

"So I could take it away?"

"Careful Hawke" he was definitely starting to feel that familiar burning.

"Is it really that different Fenris?"

"Don't do this Hawke" he was trying hard to keep his breathing steady and the lyrium burn to a minimum.

"You don't wear a leash but you still follow me around"

In a blink he had her against the wall digging his pointy gauntlets in her neck and waist.

"I said don't do this" his grip too strong on her, his voice as menacing as battle cries but so quiet, it made it even more terrifying.

"Now you will shut up and go take a bath. I don't want to hear another word from you" She nodded feeling tears falling from her eyes.

"Now!" he shouted but didn't let his hold loose.

She would not dare to ask him to let her go; her precise words had stabbed him in his weakest points, speaking again would only end in tragedy. She pushed him back with all the energy she had left. He finally let his hands fall to his sides.

When she came back to the room, his armor was there but he wasn't.

* * *

He was in the stern looking back to where Kirkwall was, the night made the destruction more evident. Smoke and a faint glint of fire were visible.

She stopped a couple paces away from him, not out of fear but because she knew the space would be necessary. If Fenris decided to leave, that space would be enough for him to walk away without having to brush against her. The last touch she would remember it would be that of hard cold gauntlets.

"Will you leave?"

"Why?"

"Those things I said"

He turned just enough to see her from the corner of his eye.

"You didn't mean them but you have thought about them"

"I am sorry"

He turned to face her. That damned stoic expression she wore, as if after all this time she could fool him. She was only playing her part, trying to look detached and impassive so he could choose the next step free from remorse.

"What did you feel when I gave you that ring?"

Her façade broke.

She looked down to her hand. She didn't like wearing jewelry, but this was a promise not just a silly article her mother would have made her use. From the moment he put it on her finger, she hadn't took it off.

"I felt safe"

"So did I. Until now"

She was going to take those last steps but thought better, she had to give him choice. A ring would not tether him to her.

"Fenris all I want for you is to have a good calm life, away from bounty hunters, slavers, magisters, even tax collectors. But now who I am will hurt you, if I have to protect you from myself, I will do it. I want you to be safe. I need you to be safe"

"Nothing will keep me from you Hawke, not even yourself"

"They will hunt you too, just for being seen with me"

"It is nothing I haven't dealt with before"

"And that is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I don't want you to go through it again"

He closed the distance between them "I won't be alone this time"

"You could have a peaceful life without me" she took a step back but he quickly followed.

"I have lived without you and peaceful is not how I would describe it"

"Fenris…" he interrupted her.

"The first time I lost you was because of my own fear and stupidity. I won't lose you a second time because of yours"

"Please"

He took her hands twining their fingers "Resist as much as you want but I won't let you go" Slowly settled his forehead against hers "You are mine, remember?"

"If you end up dead because of this…"

"I won't. We'll grow old together and die a boring death"

With that she was now certain he had chosen "I'll hold you to that."

_Thank you for reading _(:


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